12 October 2023
This painting is titled “You’re not Filipino enough”. The painting process was difficult to paint as it took a lot of courage to reflect back on memories looking at myself in the mirror. I used oil paints, W medium, and water.
Here’s a sketch I made before my painting:
“I felt happy in and a bit after my Philippines (trip this year (Jun 24 – Jul 5)) However, when I think and remember the the disconnection I felt in the past when I haven’t gone to the Philippines in a while and what some Filipinos think of me.” I decided to sketch me holding different items with negative and positive memories.
I made this canvas (120cm x 75cm). I wanted it to be like a mirror. I gesso the canvas 4-6 times. I tone the canvas with orange/yellow warm tone acrylics. Sketching myself with coloured pencil over the paint. I think painted my mirror frame from my bedroom (which is a white plain frame).
It was difficult for me to start painting this sketch. It’s hard to think about myself and reflect on my identity crisis of “I’m not Filipino enough” and I’m also not Kiwi enough. It’s an identity crisis of who am I if I’m neither enough. This is my finalised painting:
I first thought the drips were too much. However, my first intentions of these items were memories and I thought it envisions the idea of faintness of these memories. There are hidden memories in this painting that I may only can recall in my head. For example, the invisible stethoscope I’m wearing on my neck. It’s a stereotype but most Filipinas become nurses. Most of my Filipino best friends from high school went straight to University to study to become nurses. I was thinking about it, even though it was not my passion. So I took a gap year and thought about it. Another hidden memory was the covered in drips plastic bag with faint sticks coming out from the top right of the bag. It’s a faint positive memory of my uncle (who has now passed) holding the plastic bag with my sisters and I’s favourite filipino street food called “Bananaque”. He’d surprise us mostly everyday in our visit at his place catching up with our cousin.
Crystal Monique Biaño 